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After reading Chapter 7, you’ve undoubtedly learned that the first draft should never go out without a second look. Consider the following email, which was a real customer service email reply to a product complaint:

To: Janet Hawkins (jhawk22@gmail.com)
Subject: RE: Defective Product

Hi Jannette!!

Thank you for taking the time to contact Clinique.
 I am sorry to learn of your disappointing experience with our Quickliner For Eyes in Smoky Brown. Please be assured that all of our product formulas are extensively researched and evaluated prior to approval for manufacture. Part of this testing is devoted to determining the packaging that will best protect the specific formulation during shipment and while in use. The Quickliner For Eyes is an air-sensitive product, and will dry out quickly if exposed to the air for long periods of time. It is therefore important for the product to be tightly closed after each usage so that its air-tight seal is fully engaged. Nevertheless, we regret to hear of your experience. Since your satisfaction is important to us, I am happy to send you a complamentary replacement Quickliner For Eyes in Smoky Brown. Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery. Once again, thank you for taking the time to contact Clinique. I appreciate the opportunity to respond to your concerns. You are valued as our consumer, and I hope you will continue to use and enjoy our products with confidence and satisfaction.

Jackson Epstien
Clinique Customer Service
“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, well, you better not fool me anymore!”
– George W. Bush

Your assignment – You’re the customer service manager and you see all replies sent by your staff.  Do the following:

  • Suggest specific edits that Jackson should make to this email to improve it in your initial post (min-300 words).